Celebrity no longer equals talent

If you can't sing, you can't sing. It's sort of like height --you got it or you don't. So you'd think the off-key rejects on"American Idol" would understand why, because they can't sing, theyaren't likely to win a singing contest.

But no.

That would assume "Idol" is about singing. It isn't. It's aboutfame. Getting attention. Having your 15 minutes. Everyone wants it.And most don't care how they get it.

So we now have the curious case of Kenneth Briggs and JonathanJayne, two rejects from "American Idol" -- and I don't mean rejectsin the final handful, I mean rejects from the first "Gong Show"auditions -- who in recent days got more U.S. media attention thanany humanitarian, nurse, doctor, altruist or foreign leader.

Why? That's the question, isn't it?

But before the "why," here's the "what": Briggs and Jayne werechronicled by "American Idol" as fast friends at the auditions, theway nerds who have no one to eat with in high school become friends.Briggs is an odd-looking guy with bulging eyes -- some havespeculated that he suffers from a medical condition -- and Jayne isa heavy-set redhead who -- according to some reports -- suffers froma mild form of autism.

That someone would exploit them is bad enough. But if these twodid on a schoolyard what they did during auditions -- singingterribly, dancing awkwardly -- other kids would giggle and point.And we would call it "sad." On "Idol," it's called "opportunity."

Briggs and Jayne were trashed by the judges, particularly SimonCowell, who, as part owner of the program, knows exactly what makesit successful and him rich. Cowell made fun of Jayne's weight. Andof Briggs he said, "You look like one of those creatures that livein the jungle with those massive eyes. What are they called? Bushbaby."

Whoa! Jackpot! These two no-talents parlayed that rejectionstraight into the spotlight, from the "Today Show" -- where theywere interviewed -- to "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" -- where they wereoffered the chance to be correspondents at a celebrity golftournament.

Now, why was this happening to them? Did anyone think they weretalented? Of course not. But this brings us to why people watch"American Idol." It's because most people like to a) watch othersmake fools of themselves ("better him than me") and b) watch otherssucceed ("if him, maybe me").

It's called living vicariously. Or, to be harsher, having such anempty life that it needs to be filled by mocking the failures -- andenvying the successes -- of others.

You can call that armchair psychiatry. You can say, "I watchbecause I love music." Here's a tip: If you love music, listen toElla Fitzgerald.

The truth is, we love to see people humiliated. Much of YouTube -- the hottest thing on the Internet -- is simply videos showingpeople acting like idiots. "Jackass" was so popular they had to maketwo movies. "American Idol" knows what it's doing when it passesover truly talented contestants and gives air time to obviousrejects. Heck. Everybody knows it.

I feel bad for a culture that puts these guys in the limelightand lets them think they really have talent, that people areinterviewing them because they truly are gifted, when in fact, it'sjust voyeurism of a more subtle kind.

When asked on the "Today Show" what they wanted to do next, Jayneand Briggs said they wanted to be movie stars.

It could happen.

There's always "Jackass III."